Thursday, May 24, 2012

When there is heartache I would like to say that dementia is not fun to be around.  Betty has narrative she repeats over and over.  "How's your family Mary?  Do the kids like school?"  Over and over.  I get so close to just crying as I say, "They are fine Betty"  "They like school, Betty."  

With Ethan's death yesterday it is hard to answer that all is well.  I did tell her one time what was happening, but she cannot absorb that so her narrative stays the same.  God, help me to repeat y answers just as many times as we cannot get her onto a different subject.  Probably by that time, we will all be fine.

And, from my Facebook wall...  mostly to answer a question about God and suffering:

There are times when human suffering is so great you are left wondering, where is God in the midst of it? How does He allow it? Where is He? I will take just a small fraction of all suffering; my family's suffering at the loss of my grandson, Ethan Michael Gray. Where was God? God was in the miracle of Ethan's birth when we doubted months ago that the pregnancy was sustainable, God said, "Yes!" God was in the miracle that allowed Annie and Josh to get to know their beautiful son for four days. Did you know that every minute in a NICU equals an hour at least? Multiply all of those minutes and you will see that the beautiful blessing of meeting, touching, singing, whispered love and tears,3 so many tears was, in God time, nearly an eternity. Then there are the Facebook posted prayers from all over the country, the world. God was right there in the depth of caring from all of these wonderful people. Their prayers didn't go unanswered; Annie and Josh gathered so much comfort from them that they spoke often of how incredible it was to have such great friends. God is there in their grief knowing full well the pain in the loss of a son. We don't know God's full purpose for our lives. We do know that suffering, grief, disease, is as much a part of life as joy, good health, healing, miracles, and laughter. Everyone has their own understanding about death, God, resurrection and heaven. I wish you peace and comfort as I grieve, as you grieve, or as we look to God for our miracles. Today I am looking for ways to honor the memory of our little gift from God, Ethan. I am thanking God for my wonderful children who will be there to support their brother and his family. I am thanking God for all of my blessings. I am trusting in Him.

Romans 8:38-39 "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."


  1. You need some time to grieve and cry, and caring for someone with dementia makes it especially hard to for you.
    Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words. I am so sorry.
    Love, Sheri