I am still here and still caring for Betty but I am not feeling as at ease about writing due to a family issue with my blog.  I wanted to just be able to continue on but there is a sense of self-conciousness that seems to rob my ability to just pour it out here on the blog.

Does anyone have any suggestions?  What can I do to get past  this?  

It has been a long hard summer... even with a week-long respite.  The anxiety about our upcoming return south is eating away at my stomach.

Needless to say I need to be able to blog.  I need to feel free.  

Betty never really liked cats. MissBooey is on a mission!

I'm feeling overwhelmed by everything today.   So much so that I almost just published those six words as my blog entry.


Betty went to visit her niece for a Friday, Saturday and came home Sunday two weeks ago.  During the night she got up and hit her leg on something, in the dark room and pushed her skin back on her left leg.  Her niece heard whimpering, which is what Betty does when she gets frustrated or upset, and when she went into the room Betty's leg was all bloody.


So, when she brought her home I started bandaging it as I have had to do many times.  By the week-end it was getting redder so on Tuesday we took her to a walk-in clinic where she has visited before when she was up north visiting.  They gave her a prescription for antibiotics and marked it so that we could tell if the redness expands.


It does seem to be getting a bit better but I will be sending her off to her daughters with all of her bandages.  Betty will be going tomorrow to stay a week.  Lots of stress today as I have attempted to have her change out of her soiled clothes so that I could wash them for her trip.  She put the dirty ones back in her drawer which she has been doing but insists that she NEVER would put soiled clothes back in with the clean ones.  I finally said, "Betty since you do realize your memory is not what it was maybe you need to trust someone, Bob or me, to help you keep track."  I asked her to please put on her denim shorts with a t-shirt. Please.  Fifteen minutes later down she comes wearing the soiled ones.  There was no good morning hug for me and no small talk repeating.  


So, I am tired.  Tired of having to cajole and tired of trying to do any of this.  I need the week off.  If all goes according to plan Bob and I will be arguing before we pull away!  That seems to be our pattern now. Fighting. Arguing.  I am just tired.  Went to the doctor myself this week where I was told my blood pressure was 140/90.  I have gained 40 pounds in three years.  The doctor prescribed Cymbalta for my pain and depression but at $41.00 a month is it worth the effort?


While I sit here typing this all of these poor people have been shot and killed and injured in Colorado.  I should just be thankful for the many blessings I do have.  


I have too many things to do today to get bogged down over a dirty short set.  I have to convince Betty that I need to wash her hair and then I have to help her get packed.  An all day project.

This is my mom who passed away in 2002
I wish I could call her right now!

It has been awhile since I posted because I have been worrying about what I post.  Somehow that just doesn't seem right so I have decided to go back to posting what I am feeling, the experiences we are having with Betty and the struggles we face ahead.  I understand worries about her picture being posted and I will refrain from posting picture's of Betty's face but I also know the value of having pictures for me and for others who like to see Betty.  


I have taken care of Betty for a few years now and have given up a lot of my time, freedom and rest to offer all that Betty needs to have an independent life lived with as much dignity as possible.  I have helped her son learn how to cope with losing the mother he knew and living nearby this new mother who repeats and repeats and repeats and communicates in what we fondly refer to as AW. (Alzheimer's World)  I helped him to move near her when it was not really in his plans for his retirement.  I made sure pills were taken, groceries bought, clothes washed, showers taken, sheets changed, cards for family birthdays purchased, special calls made.  If a birthday card was bought and sent it was because I made sure it happened.  If what she needed was more time with us I made the suggestion even when it was not well received.  


There have certainly been times when I have felt exasperated and wanted to scream.  There have been times when I wondered what I could do to make Betty's life easier and let me tell you there have been many discussions with Bob about what we will do in the future.  I have done this all very lovingly with never a raised voice, no visible resentment and with as much patience as I can muster.


So, on that note I will say that if you are reading my blog and have a problem with it I would ask that you contact me directly.  Don't worry that I would get upset or angry.  I am a sixty-one year old woman and feel quite sure a bit of concern or criticism will not send me off a cliff.  If you see something on here that endangers Betty in any way please feel free to send me an e-mail; ladycase2@aol.com and I will respond as soon as possible.


My purposes for this blog are many but one is a place where I can vent some of my frustration.  If you have not lived with someone with dementia for an extended period of time I would ask that you read some others blogs along the side of my wall, read some of the books that are available for caregivers, visit a few websites and try to get an idea what a caregiver goes through on a daily basis.  Try to imagine getting someone to change out of an outfit they have been wearing for two weeks when they are SURE they have worn it twice.  Try being the one who has to agree with some nonsense that you know is not true just to keep the person from arguing. Think of being the person that has to try to get someone to get out of bed to go to a doctor appointment when they decide they are not going.  There is nothing easy about this life I now live and although I would not have chosen it I am honored to do it.  I protect Betty's dignity all the time and work hard to make sure that she is as unaware as possible of the work and frustration that is involved in her day to day life.




As for how things are now that we are up north; 

• Pills are being taken on a regular schedule.
• Breakfast happens by 10:00 every morning.
• Lunch is served between 2:00 and 3:00.
• Dinner is on the table most days by 6:00.
• We play cards most days but that is becoming more and more difficult without help.
• Reading is more and more difficult and the "funnies" seem to be too confusing to enjoy.
• Crossword puzzle work is mostly looking and counting than actually solving but there is still some enjoyment in it.
• Still enjoys the music channel.
• Does listen to the business channel we are watching and comments.
• Still difficult to get clothes changed.  Wears over and over and will re-fold and put dirty back in drawer.
• Bed made three days out of seven. (Always done in past)
• Questions every other day which of her brothers and sisters are alive.

Let the card game begin!

I am back home and getting ready for Betty's arrival.  The phone calls are hard as she is quite distressed back in FL but we are almost there, tomorrow she flies north.


Purchased some new undies, deodorant, toothpaste and shampoo so when she arrives hopefully she will feel at home.  I am washing the undies and putting them into the drawer under the old ones in hopes of them going unnoticed.  It is very funny how small changes are just not accepted. 


The day before we left was a very bad one.  Confusion about where she was, where she is going, how she is getting there, etc.  Then, there have been the daily calls full of anxiety.  It seems that I am able to calm her down but there is no telling how long that lasts once we hang up.


These pictures show some of the preparation I went to to make this as easy as possible for Betty.

So, all the clothes I sent were pressed, hung and photographed.
Betty has a list of what was sent and a photo next to the words.
We packed her suitcase with all of the rest of her clothes and made a list of what was packed.  Then I left notes that said Betty you are all packed!  I set up her flying clothes, earrings, shoes, etc.  Set them apart so that she can see them easily.

 Betty would look at the calendar and start to worry that she would have things to do and I would remind her to look at the printouts and see what "we" had already done.  As usual I tried my hardest to let her think she was ever so helpful.  It is so hard for her to think she has to depend on someone to help her.

We washed her sheets and as many clothes as I could get my hands on so that she started the week with clean clothes and bed.  I also washed her hair on Sunday and will do it as soon as she arrives.

The truth is I am overwhelmed and even more so now that we are here with water leaking from the shower upstairs and the toilets doing their leaky thing... (clean water thank God!)  We were able to visit with Josh, Annie and the kids yesterday.  


This is hard for me so I know it is a hard transition for Betty.  We pray that she will adjust quickly and feel comfortable here for the summer.

This verse is on the sidebar of my friend Delores' blog.  I need these words today as I am feeling quite fragile.  Amen!

Last night Bob mentioned that we would be leaving on Monday to head north.  Big time OOPS!  


Rule #1, is; Never tell Betty anything in advance of when she has to know. Ever.  It is remarkable how much anxiety we can prevent by following rule #1!


There was a distressed phone call not too long after they had hung up.  "So, you are leaving tomorrow?"  "I will probably get to talk to you won't I?"  The anxiety was in her voice mixed with a bit of anger that we had not come over to see her before we left.  Mind you we will be apart for a week at most.  But, to Betty a week is a million days.  


It's funny, but we try to be so careful about what we say and yet our mouths start spewing out information we KNOW we should hold back and once it is out there it is OUT!  I can't tell you how many times we have looked at each other after one or the other has let the cat out of the bag and just rolled our eyes knowing that the consequences for Betty and for us we different but equally profound.


I have been using Cozi.com for awhile.  They have this great checklist where I write down things that need to be done and check it off when it is complete.  I am THRILLED when I get to check things off.  Today I got to check off a biggie... mailing packages north.  Bob had very few to carry in because we decided to just limit what we send north as we are there for a seemingly short time.  I am not looking forward to the day when I say.."Oh darn! I left that down south!"