The time has come to make the very hard decisions concerning Betty. We visited our first, and high-end of what Betty can afford, Memory Care facility. We spent two and a half hours talking to the sales person, (my term) and looking at the Memory Care Unit. When we walked in thru the keypad entrance the large group was sitting in the rotunda, singing. Some were singing and some just looking around like deer caught in the headlights. We were told that it had been a big day for family visits but no family were there then.
They allowed us to go into one of the private rooms.. large enough to include a bed, small couch and her own TV. There was a private bathroom with toilet.
Then we were going to see the semi-private room which is really what Betty can afford but there was a woman laying down so we couldn't go in. My impression was..SMALL. Was that the ploy to get us to go for the private or was it simply so that we would not get a vision of just how small the room would be? Those are things that came to my always cynical mind.
The place was clean, staff attentive and very friendly. It was possibly ideal. But, it doesn't feel like Betty to me. They have their own private dining room with fiesta ware dishes and menu's to choose their breakfast, lunch and dinner.
It is truly a lovely facility but, it just doesn't feel like Betty.
I went to bed still burdened with the thoughts of putting Betty in such a place. Their suggestions for little white lies to get her there. Her hug last night rippling through my mind. Her fear, faith in us, her happiness. All of those things churning through the terrible sleep. I awoke and turned to Bob and said, through tears, "I just don't think I can do it!" I really do not think I can.
We have talked about the impossibleness of moving in with her. Their arguments, my frustration, just no privacy. We have now talked about the possibilities of moving in with her. Not spending on a new house just moving in and spending to make it a place we could take care of Betty until she is not aware of her surroundings or is incontinent or bed bound. We are facing that now because we could not hurt her and we cannot lie to her.
And so.. we are visiting one more place before we make a decision and before we mention it to Betty. It is well with my soul. Maybe I am more Ruth than I had thought.