Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Long Time No Write

It has been a very long time since I have blogged about my journey with Betty.  Much of that I want to say is due to restrictions put upon my journaling about Betty by family, afraid that Betty's privacy was being infringed upon and that my journaling would somehow put her in danger.  I internalized it as criticism and stopped journaling.  Then, I lost my grandson Ethan and I used that as an excuse not to journal.  I was still living this journey, still struggling without communicating about it, keeping it all inside and just being stressed.

I have made a decision to go ahead here and journal, to open up about our daily walk.  I have no way to go back and have a visible path of the progression of this disease.  I have a fairly good memory but I tend to block out things that disturb me.  I can't go back and write about the shower struggles; the good, bad and ugly.  I have no reference point.

I can say that we are still here and are not traveling with Betty. I can say that we do not feel, at her current level of disease, it would be anything but detrimental to her health to change her environment other than the possibility of a permanent move to a memory care unit.  Betty does not do well with change.  She is ok as long as things are routine but a doctor's appointment can wreak havoc for days.

We are in the place where we MUST move forward with either full-time in home care or a placement. Betty is very unhappy in her current situation.  The change is not easy for Bob and the process is slow.  I have no idea what is feasible.  I wish this were easier.  The stress is pretty scary actually.  

I am going to journal. 

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