Teepa Snow - Making Visits Valuable Part 2: Senses (Sight, Hearing, Tou...

Teepa Snow - Making Visits Valuable Part 1 - Breathe

I find myself unable to blog about my journey with Betty and yet this is the time when it is most important.  A transition time really when she is recognizing the need for more help and that will allow us to approach having people come in.  This is a good step and one we have been hoping for.

The problem for me is that I am in a funk.  I am sure much of it has to do with grieving my little grandson Ethan's death.  Some is my commitment to political views on Facebook.  More than anything it is that I am depressed.   I am sad about everything.  

So, I will post when I can and hope to at the very least record our steps toward more help for Betty.

Ruth in the Time of the Judges

Ruth in the Time of the Judges

Lord please speak to my heart each and every day.

I feel better right now but am not going to sweat the small stuff anymore. I will do the best I can and leave the rest.

Honestly, if  I had to find an outfit to wear and looked at this, which is one side of a two-sided closet, one of two.... I would have no clue what to wear and would wear the same thing over and over.

There are certainly things that no longer fit.  I am not allowed in the closet or in the room, most of the time.

I do not know how to do this.  I do not know how to get Betty to take her pills.  Not too many as she did today but the right amount and I want to give up and throw the pill bottles at her son and scream, "You do it!" 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't have the energy.  I can't fight with Bob.  I can't think about it night and day.  I can't worry about it.  I need to give in and give up.  

No matter how many times I say that the door needs replacing we are on the third or sixth year of me saying that it is too dangerous.  How many times am I to look up home health without action?  I just am at my wits end.

Betty is not my mother and I need to throw this at Bob.  I cannot do this anymore because I can't sleep.  i eat and eat til I am so fat I can't walk anymore because my foot hurts.  I have tried to kill myself with food and it hasn't worked.  I am just fat and alive.   

The doctor gave me anti-depressants but I am too depressed t care.  So, what am I to do but write this down, wake up tomorrow and continue on? 

I am still here and still caring for Betty but I am not feeling as at ease about writing due to a family issue with my blog.  I wanted to just be able to continue on but there is a sense of self-conciousness that seems to rob my ability to just pour it out here on the blog.

Does anyone have any suggestions?  What can I do to get past  this?  

It has been a long hard summer... even with a week-long respite.  The anxiety about our upcoming return south is eating away at my stomach.

Needless to say I need to be able to blog.  I need to feel free.  

Betty never really liked cats. MissBooey is on a mission!