What a day!  Yesterday I made a handful of appointments for Betty; mammogram, chest x-ray, eye doctor and toenail trimming.  We were so fortunate to get the mammogram appointment for today but that always leaves me anxious as to whether we will be able to get her dressed and out of the house.


Surprise! Surprise!  I called right after noon and with my happy positive voice I said, "Hi Betty,  What are you up to?"  She responded in a positive voice so I dived in.  "You know, Bob and I will be picking you up at 2:15 instead of 3:00 because you have the mammogram appointment.  Then, right after that we will come back here and play cards and have dinner."  Talk fast, sing song and positive.  It worked!!  She only called back twice and I reminded her no deodorant.  Finally, right before pick up time I called her to remind her that she should wear her brown loafers because her tan sandals, the ones she wears every single day, broke. 


When we arrived you could see that she had been somewhat anxious but had pulled herself together.  The people at the mammogram office were wonderful and the whole appointment went well.  **Reminder to self: Call the office tomorrow and report the GOOD stuff.  She raved for a couple hours about how nice the woman was.  


We did play cards and she had her usual problems but it works out and keeps her mind working.  Dinner followed which she thanked me for about a DOZEN TIMES TWO times.  


Thank you God for the ease of this day.  Her hair did not get washed but I will do that on Sunday.  Let go of the little things.  

The Dementia Experience

Quite a good article about what dementia patient is experiencing.

I have not written about Betty's family.  Betty is 89 and was the first girl in a family of six.  There were two boys older than her, then a brother, followed by two girls.  Until last summer all her siblings were alive. We received a call last summer that Priscilla, her youngest sister had died.  Poor Priscilla had struggled with a husband who had dementia and due to an illness she passed away just months after getting her husband into a home.  Three, the oldest two brothers and her next to youngest sister, all have/had symptoms of dementia.  Her oldest brother, Fred, is 91 and lives in a Veteran's Home in Nevada for memory care.  Her brother Don passed away two months ago just a few months after being put into a veteran's home in Massachusetts.  She has a sister Jean in assisted living in AZ so we do not know her condition other than she has dementia.   Really that leaves her brother Paul and my understanding is that he too is having memory issues and is repeating a lot.  


Don had an autopsy done but I am not sure the results are in as yet.  It will be interesting to see what kind of dementia he had.  Hard to believe that a whole family could have dementia.  Betty's mother had hardening of the arteries.  Her father had signs of dementia but at the time they called it senility.


If I were one of their children would I get a test?  I can't say.  My mother had ovarian and breast cancer but I have not gotten a test.  


Our good health is precious!

Clearly I need help.  After answering three phone calls today from Betty, each about whether she should shower before we arrive , I went to the cookie bag and dove in.  Three cookies later I looked at my last entry and laughed.  SURE I can get my eating under control. Arghh!  I just have no clue how to do it quite yet.  The call, the stress, rising and eating.  Seems like a pretty clear path to me!


I have no idea what we will face today as we have Betty shower.  Last week I was convinced she stood outside the shower and washed with a cloth.  When questioned she says she never lets the water run.  Today, her son Bob is charged with telling her that in order to get the dead skin off she needs to let the water run over her darn body.  That seems like a good trick.  If she shuts the water off I swear I am sneaking in to see what she is up to!  What is it with showering and alzheimer's?  I just do not understand?!


I saved the above and never got back to it last night. There is always the "tired" aspect when I leave and get home but last night was more that I just did not feel like thinking.


Dinner was great and as usual I did not fuss.  I don't mention that I am on pain much, so mentioning it now, I AM IN PAIN. Constant. Never letting up. Pain.  Between my back and neck pain and fibromyalgia, I am in constant pain.  What I do for Betty and for us is done by the skin of my teeth.  I go inch by inch to get things done.  I take many shortcuts and I am not apologizing for that as I do get so much accomplished.  Any direct sitting is pain..must sit to the side.  And standing...oh my! So, when I prepare food I do it in stages and I aim for as fast as possible.  Last night was no exception to that rule.


While Betty was showering I cooked dinner.  Not having the repeated, "what can I do?" is helpful. You needn't tell me to have something for Betty to do because in this case it would not be helpful.  We eat on tables at the couch and chairs and she would not understand setting those tables.  One can not have carrots to peel at every meal.  So, when Betty was done and I had steered her into wearing clean clothes, shorts no less, Betty was able to sit down and just enjoy dinner.  


I am in pain and grouchy today.  Maybe grouchy most days.  For the most part I keep the grouchiness buried and I try to be upbeat. Today I feel like being grouchy with no upbeat and that is ok for today.

Caregivers Can Stop Emotional Eating

What a great article by Carol Bradley Bursack about emotional eating as a caregiver.  Have I mentioned lately how I stand in the pantry, close the door and EAT?!  Every time there is any conflict I eat.  I can put a stop to this.. or at least take something healthy in there with me!!! 


Carol also wrote a book, Minding Our Elders.
Minding Our Elders - Available on Kindle @ Amazon

A few observations;
   
Betty has some small motor skill limitations that we have noticed.  Getting a card into an envelope is somewhat of a challenge and she was struggling to get a birthday card into its envelope.  You can notice some frustration when it happened but she finally managed it.
    
I first noticed it when she was putting a stamp on an envelope and also a return sticker.  She seemed a bit hesitant as though she wasn't exactly sure where to place them.


I have also noticed that  her handwriting has gotten lighter as though she is not pressing down with the pen.  Now that Bob takes care of her bills and checking she doesn't have that much need to write precisely; a signature, an address, a list.  She does still make these little notes that she leaves all over the place yet they are rather a jumble of ideas and numbers for relatives.  One day when I asked what one list meant she said she was trying to get her brain "right" and that she tests herself.


Betty has always been a very precise person and that was one of the reasons that she fought so hard and got so upset when she was making a mess of her checkbook.  The white out all over her figures and forgetting to write down a check number was really upsetting for her.


I have her calendars for the last few years and they tell her story more clearly than I could ever tell.  I really will try to scan them so that I can post them for comparison.  It is such a stark difference.  Her small neat handwriting so clear and precise; times of appointments, visiting relatives, golf outings, birth dates and sometimes even phone calls.  Even notes found around the house show an almost OCD like recording of every day life.  Pat called; 9:20 talked until 9:46.  Called Bob; 8:00 talked until 8:16 about work and what they had for dinner.  Her books, diaries, are filled with a precise narrative of times, activities and stories that may or may not be true.  (I say this now because it is clear that some of her stories are embellished.)


Her calendar now is a mess of white out and cross out.  I try to get her the erasable RED pens, red as she seems to see it best, but she cannot retain that they have an eraser.  I purchased a great calendar for Betty for Christmas and she seems to use it quite well by looking at her digital clock and tearing off the top sheet.   I added it to my Amazon widget at the bottom right hand column.

Dementia

A good explanation of Dementia.   Just click the word Dementia above.